How come, he can walk away easily?

Dear Clark,

I always wondered why a man can do a female wrong time after time & she will still be by his side. But when a female does ONE THING wrong the man leaves instantly.

father-son11

A mother CAN abandon their child, yet the child who’s father left the mother placed a hole in the child in the shape of a father, and now will duplicate this behavior without knowing how to communicate their emotional hurt in pain and change this cycle, it is why men can do this easily they are taught by this action alone without any level of pain or what caused the pain.  It would seem that when a child has this as a hole within them can point to what the expectation is to include the abandonment of both!

The suffering that this causes is the creation of why we are in a country were 24 million children are without a father.  Unless or until a man is willing to stand in their pain and accept this truth to share this pain as a way to end the suffering this will continue.  This is how they will heal this by accepting their truth and knowing their pain! You can’t fix this cycle without acceptance of the truth inside yourself let alone the pain that it gives you.

A fatherless daughter -This suffering also has it’s fuel, as a woman you will seek out a man who will abandon you easily, as this is what happened with your first experience with a man if you are a fatherless daughter whether daddy was in your life, yet absent emotionally, or all together physically not in your life you will seek this in a man that you will choose.  You will even compromise and even find men who are unavailable because you need to fill this hole inside of you as a father may or may not been in your life but didn’t express the energy you needed because they didn’t lack the communication you needed to heal this.  You had to tell yourself a lie about yourself to try and make sense of why this was missing.  The truth is you hurt, and you suffer in that hurt doing things in acceptance that are not love, but could in turn be an emotional clinging with no understanding why.  You will try and fix this in them, as a means to fix this in yourself.  You will find a man who will hurt you in this way without knowing this is the energy you are calling to, not seeing that you are in pain, and make a choice to stay in this pain.

This is why the attachment is different from a mans viewpoint.. A man will not see the emotional attachment as a woman will base this on how the man is or isn’t emotionally available… If his mother has always done nothing but protect him, and he never was able to speak about what his pain was regardless of his actions.  It isn’t that never did the man not trust his mother, he will seek out this in relationships.. someone who will continue with him to ignore this pain to create the same energy that a man has become accustomed to with his mother.  If she was always attacking him and punishing him without showing him how to heal from what pain causes these actions.  He will seek relationships similar to this as he makes the choice to be in relationships.  He will seek a woman who is ok with him not sharing his pain and accepting him regardless of his actions and lack of knowing how to communicate his heart that is hurt or that is of emotional energy.  This removal of being attached makes it probable that there is a hidden pain that will be found out by the woman.  In most if not all cases if a man is able to walk away and be unforgiving it is because it was done to him by his father or mother.. The ability to walk away from a relationship is taught by experiencing it with no reason.  If a man can do this they were abandoned by their father.  There was no explanation and no looking back.  The male child will now duplicate this behavior. This to the son who’s father leaves or is absent in their life will not know how to be understanding of those actions.

In most cases they will be in the relationship with only one foot out the door no matter the time line of the relationship. The cycle doesn’t end there, they will seek out like energy to include a relationship where the woman has children and the father is absent in the children’s lives.  This will turn into a challenging relationship as the man will take a full role in being as the children are cause of the energy feels the same.  It is the law of energy that is the truth not the thought process as it hasn’t become aware in this way.  How could it?  If this was seen as it was with energy wouldn’t it be up to both male and female to heal this one child at a time, to include the inner child they both have?

Love Deeply

Clark

8 thoughts on “How come, he can walk away easily?

  1. My twin and I were together for about a year. Most difficult year of my life. We both have a high degree of abuse in our family of origin. He is one of 8 children and his father was not really there, yet ruled the family through fear.
    To cut my story short, we went on our separate ways. Frustrating for me because I could see the patterns that he and I were both in. We tried in our different ways to try and be together, but it failed.
    I was surprised to get a missed call from him the other day. We talked. I am left confused by what he wanted, why he was in contact. I talked about if we had a chance of being together again. This itself was crazy, because I had not intended to say anything like that, but I guess my heart took over. He then made it very clear that we can never be together.
    I had moved on, well still thinking of him daily, but this still hurt me. I then said to him my dream would be for us to be together again someday.

    I have my life and he has his. I hope one day I can have a longlasting relationship and just settle down. As a person, I would like to be in a loving family unit with children.

    I get on with my life, but when I try to imagine myslef with another man I can’t really. It would seem fake.

    How do cope with this? Yes, I know all this is just about loving myself more. But sometimes, I just give up with it all. I have done my best, yet somehow thinking now I have failed or not good enough, because my twin does not want me.

    Sure, I can love myself and get on with my life. I can learn just to accept everything. Yet in me, this does not feel right. It is out of my hands now.

    It’s just another blow.
    I create a stronger cushion of self love and self respect in my life. I am my base. All is ok.
    At the end of the day, this is all there is, whether he wants to be with me or not.

    I have felt the universe creating magic, trying to hold us togther. But that is going and I feel the dizzy heights of bliss of all that we could do together…also disappearing. There was big potential for both of us to use this loving energy together and really live life. Now I sense him being stuck, in the same old same, instead of riding the bigger wave that was given to us, that would have helped us both to break free.

    Once after a separation I had an amazing idea for a new business I really wanted to do. Totally amazing. 100 miles away, he was given a job opportunity to learn something very specialised, that would be the ‘exact fit’ required for my idea. It was perfect, it would have got us both out of a rut, into something exciting…

    Instead, nothing happened, because of the rows in the relationship, we could not move onto anything else like actually working together.

    I think God tried to help us a lot, but there is only so much magic that can be given and wasted.

    I hate so much the wastage in my life. I wish so much, even now, that there was a big miracle to help heal our relationship. I am shaken that when he phoned he said we can never be together.

    1. You stated here that the most painful experience was him saying you can’t be together, did you see the other parts to it that are speaking louder in what should be speaking to you instead? I am going to help you see this more clearly as a means to show you both the thinking mind and where the truth is when it comes to you.

      He is one of 8 children and his father was not really there, yet ruled the family in fear. Do you see how this will be his pattern of choice in how to deal with things that are either good for him or bad for him. He was never shown what it means to be in energy that is connecting for a man and a woman. He instead was shown how to be a man by his fathers thinking energy not his own. He then had to translate from this how to be a man in the world, with very little understanding on how to translate his emotions. No matter whether he got help for this or not, 99 times will state to him how to cope with his feelings rather than allowing them to flourish into something more, a way we educated each other on how to prolong suffering rather than seeing the truth inside of this suffering. His love could be the mark the world needs by going deeper into his pain in that emotional state. He never had any confirmation of being a man only a wounded child based on this. So to inflict pain is what he knows well cause he is in pain.

      As for you abandonment is more powerful for you in this case if you both experienced this your thought process is going to keep this energy finding you for it is familiar as it is painful. You are not alone in this my friend, being single and not involving someone because of this connection is sometimes a path that will never tell you the truth about what it is that you are not healing from. You can walk away easily from someone just as he can. This is a repeat pattern of behavior that he will continue till he sees himself more clearly. His choice in words are how you can compassionately listen to him and be his friend with no judgements. He will either wake up or fall deeper into sleep. Not because he sees this clearly but because you help reflect it back to him without saying a word. Just listen to him. Do not seek yourself in him for that is a greater mix of pain, in that you will not heal your own without him there to pull his out from yours. You are love inside of that pain.. It is not a lie. Your ability to experience this pain has a depth that has a deeper love inside of it. How else does pain become present? All things birthed come with pain… Is this not a fact?

  2. I can only try and write what it feels to have my hopes dashed. I cannot describe the sadness I feel yet try to convey all is ok, when it is not.

    He is lucky, in that he has the ability to move on. Just like his father, he has a new woman, yet knows deep in my heart I still love him and think about him a lot. He is different to me in that he feels a strong sense of entitlement from women, who have cared and looked after him his whole life, no matter what he does. I am just background for him. I was stupid to say I still loved him. It just feeds into his sense that he does nothing wrong. He said he has now found real love with someone else. He can just quickly do that, whilst inside me is an avalanche of pain and emotion.

    We are both out of balance. If I had his degree of self worth and ability to see myself as a ‘little prince’ worthy of real, actual good things by other people, goddamit, the world would be my oyster. He does not care for anything except mainly what others do for him.

    In our time together, he hurt me a great deal, but I still gave him a lot of love, because it was natural. I tried to fix and fix and fix, but I was collapsing. Whenever I tried to say how I was feeling, he would never allow it.

    When we spoke recently, he said it is me who was the cause of our relationship failing. He went through a list of things that was all rubbish. He accused me of things I never did and could not remember any love. All the things he did to hurt me, he said I did it to him.

    This is what he does and I cannot deal with it. All I did was be loving to him, caring for him, never hurting him. I cared for him a great deal, you would never know. Yet he sees something else and is very very comfortable with detaching himself from anything that he has done. It is like he has totally cleaned himself f rom the relationship, but has had to dump the baggage somewhere…onto me.

    I am left trying to deal with everything. It is all insane. I cannot comprehend the idea of hurting someone then actually, saying to their face that it was the other way round. And then not giving them the chance to speak.

    But I have got used to it with him. He does not allow any other way. When I try to speak, he shuts me down. Grrrr…

    You might read this and think I am like this or that, like some kind of victim. Me and twin are polar opposites. I am a strong and free spirited and could not cope with being in this fear based set up. And so I would try to say how I feel, which is the thing that he hates the most. I was propably the worst type of person for him, because I did not just fit into the way he was used to.

    I come from a background of neglect and had to put up a lot. I have been invisable, the opposite of my twin being a king. I have had to be very strong, doing a lot on my own.

    But he has the ingredients I learn from. I have watched him time and time again, blame for things I have not done and he actually believes it. Now, I can actually stand up and blame people for things that they have actually done to me, without feeling as scared. I have had to put with too much rubbish from people, yet I could never say anything. Now, after the twin, it’s a f…. doddle.

    But still I am just heartbroken that he has left me for another. There are just some things I cannot cope with, despite trying to give myself self love and trying to soothe myself. I feel so utterly abandoned. I can’ imagine being with another man. I am left picking up all the pain. Even if I just peacefully let it all go, and try to soothe myself, it is very hard for me.

    1. So you have two parts.. the first relationship with is father broken and now you are pointing to clearly what his mother gave him in spite of everything he was doing as a boy coming into the world. The unconditional love that a mother gives is pointed to clearly here. If you ever inflicted a small amount of pain in awakening whether it be your own truth this is what caused him to run or abandon you. Do you see this? It is not about being like this or like that.

      In what we experience in education is that we teach history isn’t this just a way that we keep the energy of what we are born within to keep repeating itself? We are told to learn history this break down does the same in all things to include our relationships. This cycle is the lie for it keeps circling the truth. How do you keep the circle when there isn’t a need for it any longer.

      You came from a background of neglect and had to put up a lot. Is it in the background or it is it the outer shell of the pain that goes deep within you to bring itself into being?

      You are invisible and the opposite of my twin being a king. So you place yourself in the role of peasant? Is this what you are stating as an identity? I challenge you to see the love you are, not the identity that comes with neglect or the thinking of neglect!

      When you think of the word soul or being in soul what do you see? Is it a race, a color, is it a belief, or is it all the same? Do you in truth see being king or queen as higher or lower in being? What about the thoughts you follow that say one is more prominent than the other?

      Is this a learned behavior that you can feel and see it for what it is? Or does the line of thinking keep you where you have always been? If you said I gave him more love than he gave me what does that mean exactly? If love is an energy was his love returned to you and what did it feel like?

      What if you let go of the understanding of positive and negative thinking, what did this feel like? If you take away your thinking mind what is inside of the love that you share to each other, with or without each other? Where is the more as it comes to love inside of you?

      Is it a material or emotional need or want? You are always in beyond love my friend regardless of what you think or feel. This is a birthright your soul brings to the human experience of existence. What is birthed from this experience points there. It is undeniable and very magnetic when this is where you stay inside of the connection to yourself that emits to the other without you even saying a word. Do you understand?

  3. I feel completely broken. I deal with my own life but also now absorbed a huge deal of trauma and abuse from his life. My body is like a sponge. I am very ill. Right side of my body has collapsed, especially my neck. Right neck, shoulder, leg. The light has gone from the end of tunnel because he said he is not coming back. I can’t cope any more. And I,don’t know where to go.

    1. So are you saying what his love gave you made you sick or is something so painful wanting you to stand in your truth rather than the thinking that your mind has always punished you into doing? What have you done to give that heart of yours the attention that you can give it that opens the door to allow you to receive it from someone else?

      What is healing without knowing? When we make a choice to want to heal or need to heal we do so from the place of no mind. In other words being broken or choosing this word represents a shattered process in thinking forgetting about all the unconditional love our body gives us to heal. Your heart hasn’t stopped giving you love or it would just simply stop. So it unconditionally does so in the background of being connected to your soul. Your stopping ability to no longer follow your thoughts can be stopped by simply being. Inside you is a place of the soul that doesn’t require thinking it requires being. It flows blood through you it gives you the ability to see through your eyes to the world and see the beauty you are apart of in this moment. This moment is all you ever have and not seeing it is because of the mind noise created from the ways of thinking that says, you are not something more, where in fact you are more in this moment and in all moments. Your body can heal itself when you embrace this place of being. Not from what was, but from what is!

  4. Thank you for all of this.
    I need to withdraw because today I felt that I am going to have a heart attack. Just going to follow my body and rest.
    The twin has brought up all the rubbish in my own life. It is this that I am up against. Either to remain invisable yet full of life, or to actually find a place in life.
    You reminded me of unconditional love. Sometimes I feel that I am dying but I want to find ways to enjoy life.

    As for the twin, I wish I had never met him, but he is under my skin.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *