Recently a new friend began to tell me about how miserable her life is. How she hates where she is, hates her culture, hates her family, hates her life, has no direction, no hope, nothing. All she wants is to escape to somewhere else, believing life will be perfect somewhere else as someone else. Her problem she says is that she is stuck. Her parents she says never taught her. Her culture never encouraged her. Love never found her or stayed with her. People judge her. Stuck.
Running the Hamster Wheel
Stuck where? Stuck how? Just stuck. Stuck without hope. Stuck angry, stuck miserable, and stuck tired full of rage, pain, and suffering. But she is not stuck in a city she hates, she is not stuck in a life she hates, not stuck in a culture she hates but stuck inside all her suffering, stuck inside herself. We get stuck in suffering , spend a lifetime in pain without knowing how to get out. Caught in a swirling vortex of hell spinning round and round faster and faster growing more angry and miserable everyday?
Pointing fingers outward at our parents, at society, at the one who we loved and lost, at friends, co workers, siblings etc. Pointing and pointing, swirling and whirling faster and faster caught in the tempest of rejection, abandonment and judgement of self. Round and around and around. Stuck in an endless loop of our own suffering.
Stop Pointing Outward
We blame everyone for our storm. Everyone but the real culprit, the real person responsible – ourselves, the you, the me, the voice in the head that says “they are…its their fault, if only..” . This voice screams and rages “They are horrible , they are awful, they are, they are, they are!!!” while whispering “ I am the one who is nothing. I deserve nothing. I will never find nothing. I am worth nothing.” We want to get out of this. We want to feel better. We want to be happy and succeed. We want to not be angry so we run away searching for an outside answer to an inside problem. We have a choice every day to listen to that voice, hear it for what it is, who it really hurts, what it really says or continue to blindly follow it without questioning it while pointing endlessly outward never looking inward.
I listen to my friend and I hear her stuck. I know who placed her there and who keeps her. I know that she and only she has the power to break free. Facing self, facing our pain, our wounds takes courage. It takes courage to see what we do to ourselves, to face abandonment, rejection and judgement. All those big scary words that create those whirling winds around us making us angry, miserable stuck in suffering. Stuck. Stuck seeking escape from us.
No matter where she goes, what she does until she sees self the spinning will continue. Anything and everything new will be met with excitement at first but then disappointment will follow. If nothing changes in her the spinning will begin again because the voice inside that whispers its poison will remain unheard and unchallenged. She will say she chose the wrong city, the wrong friends, the wrong partner, the wrong this and the wrong that. She will see that all she thought she escaped from is still there just in different surroundings. There she will be once again spinning around stuck.
Time to Look Inward
If you are stuck, stop running, stop hiding, stop pointing outward, stop your spin. It is time to look inward, time to seek understanding of you. You are in control of what holds you, what binds you, what keeps you caught swirling around in what feels like a never ending spin – You. I know because I have been there. I have been stuck. I have been miserable, pointing out at the world, running and running, spinning and spinning. I did all that my friend wishes to do. I did it all and then some. Once I began to see what was really keeping me stuck I saw it wasn’t my location, my culture, my parents, my friends but ME. It was never a what that kept me stuck but a who — me and only me. Again I ask those of you who are suffering to stop a for a moment. Stop pointing outward, stopping running and stand still for a moment. Look inward and see that it is up to you to stopping spinning , to stop the stuck. Look at the ME and begin the journey of discovery. It won’t be pretty, it will be hard I guarantee it. It will take time, it will take effort, but the reward is priceless, the reward is you become unstuck walking your path, living life fully. If you can’t look at the ME, at the YOU, if you don’t know how or where to begin, we are here to help you, help you see, help you take the steps out of stuck. I am here to help you because I have been stuck too.
Author: Chaya Reich
Relationship Reinvented Coach