Sitting here going back to remember the lightning strike of pain that had a calling is quite uncomfortable. I remember it because it was something that truly tried to get me to see what it was I was searching for in the intimate experience of being physical with someone.
My appetite for sex was quite monstrous when I was separated from my twin. Inside my mind, I experienced visions of what being intimate was as if I could experience that every day. I would dream such passion that was calling to me. This is why the senses need to be understood and seen correctly as they are the truth about what we are sharing here in this moment.
This is not to be fooled with what you THINK you see and make it painful and about something you wish you couldn’t see. Looking back when this happened, that is not the statement I would choose but I will say it is not something you can remove. The time I truly remember this was Super Bowl 2012 on Feb 5, 2012. I was watching this with my brother and my sons and I was laying on the floor of my new fortress of solitude. I felt aroused and unsure of what I was experiencing and then the first pain strike in my heart I knew without knowing what I was experiencing.
I closed my eyes and could see her and her new beau on the couch I owned having sex. It was not something I wanted to experience but I felt every touch and every want she had. It then was revealed to me in my senses why this was so. This was the most powerful part of experiencing a soul connection to its counter. Especially when you wake up to find out why you desired intimate connection so deeply. It was something I could feel and write about in such a way that I would literally convince myself that this was someone out there doing this and was calling to me. It didn’t make sense until this connection. Notice the spelling of sense.
Inside of me was something that I always wanted touched during intimate connection that would allow me to feel touched and feel loved. It was very rare that it happened or that I didn’t convince or trick myself into believing this was the way someone was without me making it up inside of myself. I would feel my way through making love with someone and be completely in tune with them as an energy. This was something that I could feel yet was I feeling the person I was with or who I was connected to and it was being returned?
I could hear whispers felt in my ears from the moment this kind of yearning showed up. I thought for sure I was dreaming the whole thing. I knew I could hear where to touch next and how soft or hard to touch or something that just completely immersed me into the state of being completely turned on and then experiencing a reality that was real but not.
I could smell something of a distinct flower or fragrance it called to me and more so when she was either with someone or I was with someone. It triggered the other senses more as a calling to what the experience had for me. I was lost in something tenacious and erotic and it layered me into what was being experienced.
Mouth would water unexpectedly as though something was not enough and not fulfilling a thirst had, it was like I could drink never enough and I could eat without any regards to what it would do other than fuel this want and need that seemed to be out of control.
These senses shared in this connection are felt in the core. It is only answered when you go inside and see it for what it is. Can your soul connection feel this? Yes, not the way you think… but what your senses will allow.
If you think this is about them not selecting you, it is about them calling to you and you both not understanding where the calling comes from. It can create a large appetite if not seen and experienced outside of what the mind tells you. It will continue to get stronger with letting go!