Chaos… A Theory of Forgiveness
Through out ones life you will experience things that you will keep in pain and keep you in bondage. Some don’t realize this and make this about how strong they are. You can’t be both strong and have forgiveness in your heart they don’t work together properly. Let me clarify this by stating it properly.
Strong – I can withstand anything, I am highly capable, I am a great at this or that, I have confidence that can do anything. This is neither right or wrong. But when it pertains to forgiveness you have neither challenged or given your strength the true test of what it means to be strong. True Forgiveness entitles you to be able to let go of something as to not punish yourself for it after the moment has happened. When you forgive making such a statement as to; I forgive you but, I will never forget! Is the same as saying I am going to hold onto this pain long after it is needed not because I love you but because without the pain happening to me I no longer have an identity for such an act and need this for what I will have within my new identity.
So it begins… I will hold onto this and the more things that I keep in the category of forgiveness I will span to keeping this wall inside, and this one, and this one, and soon I will no longer have the belief of unconditional love as I have placed all the conditions in myself to keep in here cause I need them to protect me from what was.. Are you sure you have the mental picture of what I am speaking about.
Imagine with all the pain inside you that you have never forgiven, nor understood that you kept it because it wasn’t something that you ever knew you were keeping track of. This maze is in place for no reason. Each wall is a wall built from the statement I forgive you but will never forget.
There is so many ways to see this for what it is…
I am hurting over what you did, I am upset for having to been hurt in that way.
The pain inflicted here is endurable because of the love that is trying to be placed inside of it. It never makes it’s way in completely, as the pain grows so does the love. It is always out of balance, not because you can see it this way, actually the opposite.
As you feel more pain in your life created from mental thoughts that are in place the pain in you gains it’s our source of strength to be fed completely through actions and thoughts that have pain attached to it. It never makes it way to the surface of the true place the pain originally was…. never to let go of.
Now think about a time in your life whether recent, whether years ago, whether something you thought you had let go of.. realize the pain there never dissolved completely because you imagined letting it go in some simulated way. This was the beginning of the simulation and it’s path to create the first parts of the maze of walls in your that keep you confined and condemned.
A child who was struck by his or her parents in discipline will feel the pain physically although it heals, the strength of this emotional pain is going to build and build, it may be taken as someone has a tough demeanor as they get older. Yet, it is the truth of seeing the child inside that is now inside of walls of pain that emotionally kept going.. It built this wall, that wall, and now the forgiveness that will never happen will be in tact for the entire existence of the child who is now imprisoned inside themselves. This child will see acts of violence as a release as a means to escape or to redeem what was done to the child. This is a cycle that can be healed.. It heals when they are taken on the journey of self discovery on the inside. Not the view of the outside world and it’s perils. This needs to happen because they will never feel love completely, they have no concept of how to give love to themselves. This abuse that happened in solitude was because a torment done to them, and now they are repeating the behavior as never forgetting. The pattern may not be the same, some feel they have forgiven even to convince themselves they have changed the pattern I will never do that to them or do this….yet the anger somewhere inside resides or other feelings surface to create a pattern that still condemns.
This is only one of millions of scenarios.. this is not forgiveness or the strength of love to become unconditional love. We don’t see this for what it is.. It is simple, yet we make it complex and complicated. If you can keep inflicting emotional scars on yourself to be identified with, then you truly are not hearing the place in you that needs you to experience the connection possible inside of unconditional love.. True forgiveness needs you presence not your absence. Find this for it is a salvation. It is a true place of being.. Realize all you have to do is break down the walls and then say one thing with an absolute behind it.
I forgive you and the pain of remembering will forgive you to as well as the forgiveness of self for not letting this go when I should have. What we make in this change only will change everything. Not because it is the human way to do it. But because how will true unconditional love be birthed without it? Isn’t it time this infected state had it’s due?