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Here take this knife and put it right over my heart now PUSH….. Jan 21, 2008

How we carry the pain of another.. how we try to address the choices made that are emotional, physical or just plain wrong.. when we chose to not listen to our heart we make choices that effect the path that we need to take.. we go in day in and day out… waiting for life to make that choice for us.. wait for our heart to stop hurting.. when you realize this you find that you are only taking the pain of what we feel and placing it someplace even deeper.. deep to the point that we never can recover.. what is the worst pain… physical or emotional.. physical only last for a few moments.. emotional.. we carry that for years never to recover from.. and it can have a lasting effect on everything within life.. family, children, and even the ones we consider to be our soulmate. how do you smile each day knowing you are meant for more.. how do you look in the mirror and not see any pain.. how do you recover that which is broken and let go of the anger that is there because you made the wrong choice… you wake up and realize you need to make the right choice.. you love yourself and let yourself be who you are supposed to be.  It is not fair to live life without being who you are supposed to be and why you are supposed to be.  You can stab the dagger in your own heart and effect everyone around you… those that are connected to you will feel it and will share your pain.. but only you can stop the pain.. you can stop the lostness of feeling that you are not without life.. you are not without the loss of being who you need to become.  Become who you are.. accept the choices and make new ones.. new ones that bind you to who you are.. smile as though there is no tomorrow.. laugh as though it is the last air you will take.. and love like you have never loved before.. I ask myself this question.. if I could change one thing about where I am now… what would I change.. I would change my honesty.. my ability to tell what I felt inside and not hold it in.. I would change and say I feel this way.. and I can see this… and I am in pain because… those elements going forward are now going to be a part of who I am.. because not to have them in me any longer is me lying to myself.. and me allowing the great pains of life to guide me to the great pains of evil.. there is always a force that will prevent happiness.. it is just part of life.. but what of the other place that is not life.. the part that even those events in life that keep you from being happy are the events of bliss… a place you never knew.. I recently spoke to someone who knew me back when I wasn’t listening.. and I couldn’t hear anything.. you remember revert back to what was wrote no one is listening no one hears me.. I realized that I was much like anyone.. I couldn’t hear or listen cause I was too buried in me to allow anything to touch me…not anymore… I am accepting my faults.. I am accepting my own pain that I cause.. I do it cause the pain that others can cause you can be too devastating if you allow it too.. you live life cause life has to keep going… and to ignore your body and mind and allow your soul to drift is wrong on any level… to join that means to join in the pain of misery that is caused… everything is sacred if it is to be… when it is not….. you do what you can to take care of your needs… your wants.. you ability to move on.. It would be different if you just took charge and went and got what you need and want.  Not just sit and make no decision yet but be angry and blame… we blame cause we can’t make a decision.. we are unable to make a decision…

ok… here is something to think about… If I asked you to stab this knife in my chest or cause me emotional pain that would not only make my soul feel rejected.. not heard.. completely irrelevant to what is needed to smile everyday… which would you rather have… I for one will take the knife stab everyday… cause that pain would end in death at some point.. the other you have to live with.. you live with it for I don’t know.. 1 month, 8 months, 2 years, 5 years.. the remaining days of your life…wasted time and the pain is for nothing… how about how that feels to the soul.. how about how that makes your days of existing feel… It is not something you can get past..

We numb ourselves with physical abuse.. we torcher ourselves with the state of being that we made the right choices in living and continuing to ignore what matters to us the most.. ourselves.. Happiness is not something you should not fight for…it is something you need to live for… live for the happiness that is in you.. and the happiness that you can share to turn into bliss.. find out what you need.. find out what makes you smile.. then don’t wait anymore.. go get it… don’t wait and don’t ignore it go get what is yours… not anyone else’s.. why wait… WHY? if you want happiness walk into the light of where I have found.. don’t hesitate.. hesitation is pain.. and pain is hesitation… excuses get smaller and smaller the more you pay attention to what is important to you.. what is important is you.. what you feel and what you do with what you feel… nothing else matters.. does it???

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