Why do men seem disconnected?
Lois and I recently helped a group of men who were hiding what they felt when it came to their family. One man in general was very disconnected from his feelings and was trying to attempt to come back into his children’s lives. When we asked him what did he say to his children his response was I asked them for forgiveness. His look and demeanor were less that emotional when this was said. I decided to reach deeper into him and asked him do they know you missed them. He said I told them.
This led to a place of where he then stated it seems as though they don’t care what I say. They don’t respond when I call, or want to spend time with me. I asked him to his core what did he feel about the kids doing this, and what he has done to them as far as not being in their life. He immediately became angry. Not angry in a way that was directed at anyone but directed in a way that he was containing what he felt and didn’t want his children to see him breakdown over not being in their lives.
I then asked him did he cry when he missed them or when they don’t respond his response was what would that solve why should I cry? Our response was you are their father do you set the example of being a father or a provider. The two little girls who need you have to experience what the pain did to you in order to see the truth in what you feel.
His mental position became very aware of what was being asked and then became more aggressive. It was then when I said, “Can you tell me about the relationship you had with your father?” His father was in his life but during his life you could see clearly that he was never emotionally available to his family. This cycle had left it’s imprint not because of choice but because it was never something that was experienced.
I talked to him afterward and started to tell him of my breakdowns of not being able to give what I didn’t experience. As I told my feelings I began to cry not because I wanted him to experience this energy but because it was now that his energy needed this release. As he started to speak about what it felt like I could see the shift. The shift into the unknowing of acceptance, and I realized how broken it was that he didn’t experience this before now. I told him if your children don’t see this, how do they know this is directly what you feel when it comes to not being their for them? He said to me this is why this didn’t work out with their mother, because she said I was uncaring. Being uncaring was a role that you played to show strength where in fact it gave disconnection.
He was completely broken in that moment and I couldn’t help but cry with him. This poll was to honor his breaking down those walls and standing in his truth of his pain. I spent the next three hours with him listening and letting him release, not until he was ready to go. For I wanted the impact of what we experienced to be something he would know all would be accepted. Somewhere in the core of breaking down we seek acceptance not seeing we are not accepting ourselves. This law of lies can be broken. Just stand with each other to see it for yourself.
You never know the release of what it means to share what you feel until you do so with those who love you no matter what. Thank you for all the answers there is no wrong answers only truths!