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Matter of Heart….

Anger and pain is an emotional response to the minds incessant playing of a past or future picture the mind has created within a sense of self.. In other words you can’t ever be present and be in the moment if you allow this self projected thought process to continue..  You either accept this as your reality or you let it go, but don’t let it create an identity of you.. as you will suffer and miss things before you..  In other words a Childs life which you are responsible for.. the ability to connect with someone based on this particular thing creates separation from things and the human connection that should always be present in life,  it inevitably could be that means nothing in the value of ones life.  Time is lost in the loop and the illusion of separation is given to things that don’t truly give you love, peace and serenity that come with it.

Growth… How do I become the man I was destined to be? A man the world needs?

I have grown 400 times since I started sharing what I felt needed to be shared years ago.. The dominate alien side has more than found it’s place it flows with such gentle force.  it doesn’t see any problem that truly isn’t a problem.  yet it wonders more about the life that never ends.. the death that we anticipate yet ignore till it is time.  All of the things that we give in this life are to change things in some way.  Even choices pertaining to decide to leave this life.  Yes we are offered a chance to change things.. things we can’t see cause we are wrapped up in something else.  we are lost to choices of life situations not life itself.  This happens for all the reasons that are thought provoked enough to hide the truth of this from us.  We are still teaching in a cycle of known history.  Not of evolution to create an intelligence that would bring us connected to that very thing that still separates us from each other and the world we reside.  The human experience was to embrace that very thing.  To understand illusion you must become it.

Illusion.. the truth of the soul can be found there.  It spawns what people call dreams or desire.  This place that the soul says it has a significant other is that place.  Yet the soul remains silent because the voices in the head still continue to over shadow the very voice of this place.  Full of passion it decides to remain silent.  silence is the key to this place.  And the soul that wishes to feel the embrace of another within sync that a heartbeat is felt without any other form of thought.. it utilizes the intelligence of what can be said in human terms is home.  A clear understanding of this connection happens in the eyes.. happens within holding hands with the other.  Happens when words don’t need to be spoken for the language of said connection happens so natural as breathing.

Dreams.. I dream of sexy passionate things that happen without thought.. a kiss that has no end.. and warmth that has a heat to it that ignites everything within it’s vicinity.  A tunnel vision of this connected soul.  It ignites candles in its path.  It bathes in sensuality and then takes time to let the sensuality sink in… placing on it’s self created image.. a sexy dress, sexy lingerie, sexy spike heels.. knowing everything that will happen to stir the other in such a passionate rage.. the skin set a fire.. the raised level of awareness that touched causes the body to come to life.. the breathing of such a thing can feel as though the flame set in the middle of a forest fire can’t control.  This happens without any planning.. it calls to what is real inside and allows it to grow.. this is not a sporadic behavior.. or even a special occasion this is because something deeper inside calls to something that wants to live life..   All doors to this are closed and some under lock and key cause choice is made to hide such a thing. yet it is desired at every level the soul can feel… It is no different for the opposite soul to wish to experience this.. to let go and give all of what it feels.. no holding back and no desire to think… just feel and let go..  closing my eyes now it seems as though that door is still there.. waiting… sometimes it seems as though someone’s at the door then others.. the door remains closed as though the key is being looked for…

I can feel another explosion happening inside me.. I can feel it evolve before me looking for understanding to why it is not this simple to just be.  You send out what you want back.. so many times I broke that.. and it broke inside me to open one thing after another.. the learned things of learned time has escaped time but not me.  Everything is new.. it is never the same.. nor does growth ever stop.. it doesn’t know how!

A Beautiful Mind

Everything the mind is stating is something that was evident as a repetitive message about things that are deep an sometimes worth exploring you can imagine if you will a place where you get to ask yourself questions.. when you ask a question you can be shown multiple scenarios that can show you all the sides of the spectrum.  You can experience pain in there although the pain isn’t real.. it is real enough to make you uncomfortable and doubt yourself and the intentions of all the message as a whole.  The mind is the instrument the soul utilizes to experience this individuality it never knows how to connect on a level of the intelligence it possesses. I imagined my life in so many different ways I saw it as a place that I could make up in my mind that would show me different ways to be happy.. I tried to share them never realizing that it was false never realizing it would be something that would come to a slow death.. but death in this case wasn’t a bad thing it was a thing of discovery and forgiveness.  You hurt the ones you love in this case never realizing the results can be catastrophic. I did so without thinking about the consequences.  I realized then that death was all there was.. I thought this was possible in a physical way never knowing I could die without dying physical but I could let my former self be something more within the death.. I realized then I had to journey inside.  This journey had such an adventure ahead.. most would see as tragic, some would see as insane and then well and then there was something else.  I got to be more and less then venture into nothing.  I have since then realized I am not the emotion made from thoughts of the mind.. but rather the soul driving the results of the beautiful mind.. this has such a difference in my life.. the choices are different my acceptance is different my ability to forgive is different and realize that I am not something that is what a man should be.. I actually consider myself a being of soul experiencing this part of life in human existence… in that I get to explore the parts of the beautiful mind and all that it consist of.. I suppose this is to expose the truth about what it means to be of love and in love.. I get to understand how it all works and hear the true messages of inside truth without mind dominance of a life filled full of mind dominated choices.  Love deeply every moment as this moment is the next and the next.. insane is living any other way!

Conditional Loves opposite Unconditional Love

Love in an unconditional state can be much like light it travels fast and even beyond what can be seen and heard… yes it covers the same amount in the spectrum as anything known.. It doesn’t need to be complicated it just needs to be as it is. It has been said that love always has an opposite which can be hate. This can be because any past emotions such as happiness, joy, excitement, pain, disconnectedness, ability to lie, cheat even steal or be violent can emerge. Yes this is the opposites to what I point to. This is what is classified as a love/hate relationship. It has the purpose of allowing the extremes of both love and hate to emerge getting bigger and bigger each time till it gets more intense on each side. However there is something else! True love, this has no opposite as it arises from the intelligence within, it allows the fundamental change of mind dominance to be overturned as healing, acceptance, and forgiveness arrive not over a period of time but instantly. This is something that you can only find within and never without. The inner voice of this comes when it sees that it is in danger of being lost and being ignored. It can’t create an ego (mind identification) of things from love/hate it can only speak to stay with the constant flow of energy that is love created and love sustained.

Words can hurt, they can cause uncertainty, unstable emotions and definitely cause pain. They create past and even possible future mind exploration to show you pain in many faces making the present moment uncomfortable and impossible to see anything else. This unconscious state of behavior is something that can destroy anything in it’s path. It causes unnecessary attacks and unknown outcomes. It is in this place that you as the love flowing energy can do 3 things, remove yourself, surrender and allow it to be, or become unconscious to it yourself! All sound simple but they aren’t…. for the mind learned processes are going to always make you unconscious. Until something gets broken and then when it does you will break the cycle. This is possible and it requires a love in you so deep and so passionate that you will break it. You break it by choice.. some have even had to reach a near death experience to find this serene place inside.

Passion in many forms especially intimate form is quite intoxicating it can be felt in the love/hate relationship and often be mistaken for great sex. However to find blissful touching as it were to experience the passion from the deep place of love that I speak of! That can only come from true love it is powerful, magical and doesn’t leave it’s form to be lost in anything the mind can comprehend. This is where it should be it was not created for you as the soul to drive in this body that carries a higher intelligence to allow your life to be driven by mind made opposites (created by past experiences and future moments that haven’t come to be in this moment.) and be lost to things that will not matter in any moment, you will not be present for it if you see it as an act, or a place to be lost, or a place that allows opposites to reside.

Self-Identity is true when it is unknown to you in other words if you say you know who you are because of past experiences, social status, financial portfolio, amount of friends on facebook, etc! Your mind will be in control and no room for any growth can happen! You give your mind permission to do repeat behavior based on things that were… It allows your mind to say it is ok to hold onto things and continue to point to a future image that can be seen as though you are looking at pictures in a photo album even your dreams will point to this as the mind will allow abstract pictures to take place and keep in you to allow you to be you. What if you let this go and realize you are more… You now are an undefined being… you will allow things to be as they are. If you find this place, you will find your smile and never be lost to it. If you are this way and are with another who you wish to share this with… what if they don’t feel the same thing, what if you lose yourself to the mind side of things you will notice a few things, your smile will disappear! Your inner peace will be intact but the reasons for being will go unheard until you break. There is no other way to explain this other than lost. You will be lost to what was, what will be, and never about what is before you which if present this will be lost words to you. Insanity is defined by lost mind never controlled mind.. but shouldn’t it be the other way. Mind can control emotions actually it does control that very thing. The inner animated part of you… the soul/being watches as the mind takes over and doesn’t do anything but run the intelligence known as breathing, heartbeat, and keep blood flowing throughout your body. This part is you.. you allow it to happen. You are you which is love undefined and have no interest in anything that the mind does. You are the light of being the extraordinary energy that goes beyond anything known, it is this place that I point! it is this place that points inside you, that journey if never gone to will point to the source to what should be known as God! Find it in you to find it blissful and share that with those you feel great energy towards this is called unconditional love and yes it is possible to be in love in this state find it to find you and then find another who shares it.

What if you knew the secret to flowing water and realized it is quite simple if doesn’t use a scientific formula.. it uses something far beyond science.. it flows based on the same principles I just spoke of.. It never was meant to be examined just flow. Be as you are inside as you should be outside. Love as deep as you can while you can.. it is an enlightened state and can bring you much joy and your smile. anything else is just mind noise!

A Soul Full of Forgiveness…

Have you ever found it hard to forgive someone for something? how about yourself? You ever just ponder the pain of something that you just can’t seem to get over inside yourself.  A place of pain so painful that you just realize it is a bad part of you and you settle.. why settle for that and realize the healing that it takes to forgive yourself is the place where you will find you can forgive others too.. Some go there whole experience here in human form holding onto past pains that their parents gave them, or a failed love experience.. How about being cheated on? or being hurt by a break up that was unsuspecting? What about death? One of the greatest experiences you can experience is the forgiveness of self and others in your life who have caused you such a place.  The lesson deep within it is then shown and the ability to grow a greater love inside you now has become something you can do without any remorse.. no holding back and no reason to hold on to such a place inside you.  This place inside you if you decide not to heal it consumes you and never allows the place of love to grow to higher possiblities. You can’t trust not yourself nor anyone else, If you fool yourself and think that you can trust yourself without this, that is where the other unnecessary drama unfolds into your experience here.  Let this go as it was not something you were supposed to keep.. Yet in some cases your lost time with it is a lesson as well.. It does have a deeper meaning when you do finally heal it and let it go.. and a deeper place of love can remain.. It is this love that can be finally given for you to experience a greater love you didn’t know possible.  It is not the mind’s ability to allow it to be let go of… It is not what the mind has been taught in fact letting it go to the mind means the end of self.. the end of knowing who you are… Yet shouldn’t your life be who you are not? I supposed to find this place of letting go will not only grow you but allow you to become a deeper being in the universe of self.. It doesn’t take much! Just let it come to you and allow it to be.. allow one last cry… one last rage of anger then heal… and say it outloud to allow the winds of change to come!  I have done this… I point to the place in you that sees no end.. yet it is actually the beginning of something unknown.. and deeply rooted in self… Love deeply…

Rising above thought.. A man's creed to being faithful…

As a man of this world… it takes more than courage to stop repetitive thought patterns it takes shear will.  When you are involved in seeing someone it takes the ability to be honest, sincere, and knowing who you aren’t to make the correct choices.  What is meant by correct choices is the ability to do what is right within ones heart.  Communication is very important not just to the person you are with, but within yourself.  This is the ability to hear ones thoughts.. If you aren’t feeling loved, if you aren’t feeling connected, If you aren’t feeling the feelings you need within a relationship. You must find a voice inside to speak and be willing to be open about it, not afraid of what others may think or feel.. compassion is needed to understand not just the defining moment of yourself as a man, but as a man of your word.  It can be said that men aren’t sensitive enough, men are egoic in nature and don’t pay attention to what is felt, as it isn’t within them to do so.  This is far from the truth.  Any man who can sum up how they feel in words has the ability to communicate it, any man who can quiet down his mind from making “I” statements or “why don’t you” statements will be able to solve this common problem.  Men feel just as deeply as women do! A man just needs to relate this to one thing… stop thinking so much.  Thinking causes an identity that no one else but you can hear, it is the deflecting shield of stating I can’t hear you, but inside the man’s mind will always have the perfect reason why it is the way it is.  What if that didn’t exist or we didn’t let it weigh so much on the decisions made.

If you ask any man how they feel about their father they will go to a place of thought which consist of memories of the mind not of choices to be a man for themselves.. not core things that would be felt as if to say about their mother. How do you break the cycle of thinking.. Simple be in each an every moment without thought. Pay attention to the level of feeling going on inside you.  Your heartbeat, your body in motion.  If you never travel inside to feel anything you will never feel anything that is outside of you.  Hence why the connection of true soul mates never surfaces the way it should.  Before their was technology we did communicate in a way that called to this.  The goal now is to travel back and rediscover it. It takes this to be a man of honor, a man of faith, a man of character.  Being faithful is where this starts and ends. Faithfulness is inside you not outside of you. Discover this by a journey inside to who you are.  Stop the mind noise it is hindering this experience called humanity and for this part of life you will miss the true experience that brought you here in the first place.

As the tears fell from your pillow…

As the tears fell one after the other onto your pillow, you watched the
curtains rise and fall with the gusts of wind coming through the open
window.  you watched me in your mind’s eye, as I stood next to the
window, and then I turned to you, the breeze made its sorrowful wail,
and it carried the dust out the open window and off into the sky, where
you knew I would stay until you called to me again through the depths of how we always will feel about each other,
a love song, a movie, or your dreams.  you knew I would return again to
be substantive and whole, So you cried harder now, not because I was only in your dreams, but
because you knew there were no knight or deep soul who could ever retain
substance in your waking hours and yet be there in your dreams as well.

“Dust, only dust,” you say softly to yourself as you rose from the bed,
grabbing your robe, and heading toward the bathroom to get yourself ready
to face another day.  you tried hard to forget the knight, the dreammaster, the other full soul,
in the only way you knew how, by polishing your own strong armor that
surrounded you tightly and protectively.  your mind, heart, and soul
embraced the armor in its comfort, but it was heavy, and so you longed
for One who could relieve you of its burden.  you sighed and even
though you tried with all you might not to, a teeny shred of hope
sustained itself outside the armor, ever watchful and ever viligent.

you smiled as you thoughts wandered to the dream, your hand stopped in
mid air as your wipped away the tears… your mind lost in the fairy tale, the
dream. This dream of that which was once taken from you inside your heart those centuries ago it was

me in your heart that you screamed to it was me that I dreamed of to find you…

It was almost to real for me to feel you when it came to me… I woke crying feeling your lonliness your sadness and felt you wherever you are trying to find me

I am here… the crying didn’t stop it stayed with me through the early morning hours and continued again on the way home from work as I drove…I teared deeply and whispered….  I need you….

How the mind uses you!

How does this mind pattern operate in your life? Are you always trying to get somewhere other than where you are? Is most of your doing just a means to an end? Is fulfillment always just around the corner or confined to short-lived pleasures, such as sex, food, drink, drugs, or thrills and excitement? Are you always focused on becoming, achieving, and attaining, or alternatively chasing some new thrill or pleasure? Do you believe that if you acquire more things you will become more fulfilled, good enough, or psychologically complete? Are you waiting for a man or woman to give meaning to your life?

The rebirth… December 13, 2007

It came out of me today… the pain.. the lostness.. the feelings of where I am now.. how a dream could be shattered at the drop of a hat.. I am lost within myself and then connecting to you I could feel the paths you have before you and it became dark and became very cloudy… my judgement, my ability to know right from wrong my own words evaporated… I am in love with you and my connection to you is very much real and will never leave it is just as it is.. and I can feel you wanting to protect me from this.. you are.. and you always have been.. and knowing I have always been ok with being in the midst of turmoil and of unhappiness..you cannot do that to me… I realized you saw me come from that and saw something deep within…. you were the smile that came from me from a life of not knowing what it was to smile for the reason from within your heart… I can feel you now.. I can feel that emptiness in my stomach and can tell that you are worried about me.. don’t you have too many to in your life to be worried about?? I want you to realize something…maybe not now.. maybe not soon.. but it will happen… we will be together as I will wait for you… I will wait for the love we have it is all I ever dreamed and will dream of… it is so what I am born to do… yes it is a bump in the road but somethings you can’t stop from happening as we found out.. but I am not going to ever let you go inside.. I will always hold this connection to you and protect it with all that I am… I could be on the other side of the earth and hear you call to me.. when you need and want me… you will come to me.. and I will be right there waiting for you.. I will be where I will always be with you in that place where the eyes speak and the words don’t need to be said… it is who we are and it is the greatest love of all in the world… the world is not supposed to know of it’s existence but I feel we will share it with them.. and show them it is truly real…we will show them in all that we do… I still am growing and I am still learning to heal things in me.. things that made no sense.. things that did make sense.. with you and now for the time being without you I will learn to heal it alone… We are in love.. and I guess I felt that was strong enough to withstand anything to include a child that was not mine.. it can, could and it will.. and I will give you space to get through this.. and will wait for as long as I have too.. I found what it is… I found it in you and only you… no one else will get it ever… To have found that is something you can’t ignore or want to ignore.. I want you.. I want you in the worst way… you are the smile that will always be on my face… I can let you go.. but promise me no matter what if we get our chance and you decide to come back.. you better come with all that you are… and let’s just go… no looking back only forward… if and when you do… I will be ready no matter what I am doing… It will be a mute point… do you understand that??? do you get it??? yes we can feel each other.. and can feel each others everything.. and I don’t want to stop talking to you… email… i.m. or texting.. I want to be connected to you someway… yes on top of all that love you are the best friend I never had…not to leave where we have to search the earth to find each other… I would not be able to do that and be ok…. I would be too ill… I know you feel the same I can feel it.. I am going to bond even stronger with my son and even more important I am going to continue to learn to be happy with me… learn more about the slow learner I am and why… I have to be ready for you when you come back to me.. even if you don’t see it happening.. please don’t ever tell me that.. cause it is a bold face lie…  cause even I can have visions of what is… and you are that vision… don’t know how I am seeing it through all the fog.. but I do.. I love you not just of this place or time, but out of everything I am…