Communication.. Assuming abandonment
Hi…feeling really vulnerable, exposed and fearful right now. I am afraid to be honest with him, about it because I feel like its my stuff…this is probably ridiculous, but I am noticing abandonment stuff coming up over little things. Like tonight he didn’t respond to a text when he has mostly done so…and yet I see him online a couple of times and I am feeling ignored intentionally. I feel like this is totally silly…I am embarrassed…but it scares me that I feel this way…I do not want to hurt the relationship…I meditated and had a really hard time centering…these feelings scare me. What do I do? Do I tell him my fears? Is this his responsibility? I know I had some of this stuff when we were talking before. I want to heal from this.
Lois and Clark:
The root of the fear is the place this points.. As you elect to to be in connection the fear of being vulnerable to someone emotionally or physically abandonment in you is going to surface. It’s no more his response then it would be anyone else’s. This is what that energy has been within your existence here. When you feel this way do you question your self worth or your self as a being of love? This is not something that is about the other person this is the thinking that creates the cycle that you always call energy to. I would suggest embracing yourself and allowing this energy to be. Meaning don’t seek it outside yourself seek it inside yourself. This is where you see the voice in the head and what it is telling you as a conversation. This conversation, the voice doesn’t hear the being of the one that is the truth inside you…. Be beautiful knowing alone is an illusion my friend flow in energy. The more you give that to yourself the more the other voice has no true power. How do you communicate with him about this? Being vulnerable with each other and sharing it in a way that doesn’t make the other responsible for this energy, it is important. It doesn’t make the other person close up in this way! Them becoming offensive or defensive is only going to solidify or make more questions arise in you and they are going to be left confused for they are not in the conversation. (this conversation happens in your head)
Unless you both can read each other’s minds, egos and more importantly souls.. You will not be able to telepathically reveal why he didn’t respond. This part of connection is the most confusing as it really causes the most disruptions in couples or relationships that have been together for a period of time. It speaks to patterns of history in the relationship which is a taught behavior and makes the communication of being vulnerable to abandonment very difficult. Getting nervous or fearful is an energy that doesn’t require him to respond because you always have yourself, that is what you want to give him. This is what unconditional love speaks in depths to. The compassion of truth that no one can give you what you won’t give yourself. Honor yourself and your roots. The root is the truth.. And the truth sets you free!
In case you are wondering what the root is, this is the first moment you experienced abandonment and how you healed from it, this was the lie that you told yourself inside because you had no answers that pointed to the truth. This could be that your father wasn’t emotionally available or physically around and was not there for you growing up as an example. In this you had to find something to help you through this. The ego in abandonment would be more than exact to help by creating something that was no where near the truth. Not hearing this from your father in truth is what this means. This is control in a ways of seeing it through what the ego can help us endure during this existence.
Ok…thank you. We started telling each other everything, including all of our fears…it has been near impossible to hide b/c we pick up on shifts in each others energy and always ask and end up telling so much about all of our fears and stuff…Ok. I do not want to make him responsible. He is free..I do not OWN him. And the closer we get the more it feels to lose and the more vulnerable I feel so I am noticing really so much the need to be that love that I am. SO I can tell him but in a way that takes responsibility…that scares me..it is very vulnerable feeling for me…but if I want to heal it is important to be honest about myself…
Lois and Clark:
Own is a pretty intense word.. Merging to merge is not complete until this truth is your mantra. You no more will own or even merge to connect without the truth being covered up in some identified way of existence that you had to cover to ease suffering. We all suffer it is just how we keep the truth from ourselves. As we have a truth come to us and we accept it we do heal inside of love. An example of this is when someone we love dies. We hurt but the truth is not hidden, we don’t see them as going on a vacation or absent we accept this truth and we only suffer because we miss them. This missing is the suffering. How do we still feel the energy that someone gave us if we are focusing on the missing rather that the truth about how this person gave us the love we can feel still even with them gone? Yet, how do we communicate to be vulnerable and not be weak? Saying simply my mind raced and caused me chaos and I need you to listen compassionately so the suffering will stop. To give me reassurance is not what will stop this cycle but ensuring we can speak what our minds say…. will! My love for you in this will expand because I will be allowing my ego no more air to breathe to keep our love from growing to each other.
That is your truth! Anything else will be a lie, and giving responsibility to him for a egoic nature is an energy that he will have to embrace with you as a connected soul connected to your own.
Not a fear to run from, but a fear to run to!
OK…I will do that. Whew…that I can do.
I don’t want to make him responsible…lol. I know my ego does though when it doesn’t get what it wants…plus it tries to come up with ways to get power back…scary and painful…My heart knows the truth of love that I am. Thank you so much yes it helped!
Lois and Clark
Do more for you to include giving yourself what you want to give to him.. If not it will not be a road paved in painful cycles that will keep you from that truth that you aren’t giving this to yourself! Gnite my friend
I had a very interesting sleep…my body was experiencing itself outside of itself. I don’t know how else to explain this. I was exploring my own energy. It was a pulsating energy. Before I went to sleep I was really intent on doing what you said, giving myself what I want to give him…finding that sweet spot in my heart, and opening to it. Then I had that experience in sleep. Like getting to know me. I was really exploring and it was a beautiful warming energy…it was me, but it was outside of me and pulsating…crazy…
I woke up and called to him, who had since responded to my text. I did exactly what you said. I said he need not answer or explain to fill my egoic need for validation but just listen compassionately as I take responsibility for my perceptions and share about my fears and where they come from. So I did and said this has been a pattern for me but that I did not want to make him responsible. I want it to heal. I told him the things I think and reactions I have when I make up the story that I am being abandoned. And all that I experienced in those moments of fear last night and that I did not want to push him away because of them but be honest about myself and vulnerable no matter how scary. And I was balling and then he was crying too and said he loved me and wanted to hold me and thanked me and listened compassionately. He was amazing about it. He did end up telling me later in the conversation even though I said I didn’t need an explanation. And it turns out his phone logs him in when he is not even on it. His mom noticed this the other day he said when he was not even on his phone. But somehow after that it didn’t matter…I already came to know it was me and my thought patterns that created this story…wow. What a beautiful experience. And we just felt closer from it. He is just so amazing…we are amazing. I feel so blessed. Thank you for your help so much!
Lois and Clark
Yes it happens to us as well… It is great that you found this out! For this is how it always becomes a problem between you and how you communicate as a connected love connected together!
Lois and Clark