I am writing you this to know I never meant to be against you in my existence inside, you keep making my heart beat in moments that seem unbearable, pointing me to the air I breathe the shared energy with nature not just of nature in all such as the trees that share this with me but with the other radiant human beings around me. I can hear they are suffering just as I do. It is because I, just like them have labeled things inside me that may or may not be what it means to be a soul having a human experience.. I limit the ability to experience you more fully when I go in my mind, abandoning you and then making promises that never seem to be in this moment to keep or accept you as my motion in love. I never see the place inside where you wait for me to connect with you, I remember thinking that someone outside of me needed to come to me and save me from this space that I called loneliness inside and it left me abandoning myself or seeking rejection where there never has been any in truth… I used to try and seek a definition of love in my mind that my mind could never make or could ever point me to. I never saw the relevance of knowing that love happens beyond the mind not in it. You and I shared this dream of one day being connected more fully. The me that was in the mind pointed to time to say I had it to one day. How could I find me as though it was something that would happen with time. Where time kept the door closed. I didn’t see that time is and always has been a way to reject you now… I ask you to forgive me in this space that I know is filled with never seeing the freedom it would be to just stay connected to you without time and feel you as you touch me in ways that allows me to experience this existence more fully in this moment..
You are my wholeness and my truth in being. I know I throw lies at you and even though we experience things such as mind created heartbreak, you do everything within you to hold my heart in my absence. You know I never give you credit for holding me together when you continue to do so in my blatant disregard of being thankful to you to stay connected to me even though I am not aware of being connected to you. You know how to never give up on me in this existence whether I call attention to it or not. When this connection came into my life outside me, I never saw the vibration or frequency to know that inside is where I was to go to know what this meant, and what it was going to give me that was abundantly available to me by choice. How do we see the choice we don’t make in choosing ourselves became quite clear!
Beautiful Storm of My Existence,
As I sit here and write this, tears flow from me from this recent journey through a new dark night of the soul and I can hear you saying breathe through this, all the answers were always within you, emptiness was never empty it was always filled with love as I only labeled it empty… You could see this in the light the stars show you at night as you look up and see there night sky light up cause the light exist even when you don’t see it, it is still there. You just couldn’t feel this, your mind was making to much noise which made you choose this . What connection is to you is to be connected more fully to the soul no matter what your thoughts about it are. If you are in fear about what the future will give you, it is because you are lost to the illusion of what doesn’t exist in this moment and any outlook past the now is pointless yet your connection to it is considered normal as a human being.
My Patient Soul,
You wait patiently for me to figure out that my thoughts have me isolated and that I have all but lost my connection to you cause I am in my mind which still is housed by you soul.. Please forgive that I become lost to lose sight, sound, smell, touch and taste that you gift me and it is all through your will soul! It is not but to go anywhere but to the true anchor of me to not lose the experience. You have chosen experiences in my existence to help me see you when I knew you needed me to find you to go into a deeper state of healing! It is during these times that you carry me when I can’t see how I got somewhere. My want/need to be connected to the innocent child within that wants/needs me to hold me and stay with me and feel the love that is never out of reach to me is more than I could have asked for. More than I ever should have known you are always there waiting patiently for me to see this truth and to see that I can always choose me in the times that light may not seem to be something I can access you are the guiding light of all things me! You never leave me alone not in my waking moments or sleeping ones. If it weren’t for your never ending connection to me within I would have not found a truth in deeper connection outside me. I love you soul!
Thank you for this.. I have no complaints!