Invisible… a quest to enlightenment! July 2008
So let me get this straight.. you go through your days existing.. realizing that you have hidden messages that speak to you all day long.. yet when you decide to become vocal about what you feel.. regardless of what it is that you are feeling at that time.. no one stops.. no one pays attention.. you go through your day just as you do everyday… wether you are a parent, have a significant other, or just have a pet who is always there.. at what point do you ever realize your own words of what you are saying and face the truth.. you could very well be alone with your thoughts.. think about it.. tell someone a devastating story.. tell them of the pain you feel.. does their world stop.. do they really hear you on the level that you wish or need or even want to be heard… they never will.. for your own mind is the pain that they can see and witness but why would they embrace you and what you are feeling.. if they can’t feel it too.. for this message is something that I feel we don’t get.. as you read this even you probably can remember something recent someone tried to share or you tried to share with someone and yet… dead silence.. it is painful isn’t it.. but without vocalizing what it actually means to you.. you are alone.. we all are.. by choice on both parts talker and listener.. yet we will be for as long as we never find it within us to share exactly what we feel and have another truly listen and embrace it.. We are passionate about the things we are passionate about… me for example.. I am passionate about the love I feel within myself.. and the passion of a love I can only write about in small words that have no meaning to the true place that I feel exist.. no one can get it… yet the more I read the more I let myself grow the more angry I find myself with the point that my own words even now.. elude me for the place that I want to be.. Why doesn’t he.. why didn’t she? where is this part? why is that this way? all the questions that you could ask.. all have answers.. but are we ever truly asking the right person the right question and do we have their undivided attention.. I would say not… I am alone… I find this choice to be the right choice for all the wrong reasons… right? The invisible part of me that gets this.. the part I continue to write about day after day… finds this place and finds openness and understanding.. but not to self.. for self isn’t worthy of it.. if it was.. wouldn’t I just be living life instead of writing all these feelings… hoping to be heard… knowing my heart aches.. maybe invisible is the right words for this.. for it is something I can’t be visible too… I am not done.. but I need to read this again.. cause I know there is a message there that even I will get if I read this again and again… I am not alone… am I?
I am posting this for a friend who felt alone in the dark… I hope this speaks to you! It is in there… just know it!